C: “Mom, where is Dad? I mean, physically. Where is he right now?”
Me: “Well, Buddy, his heart was too big and his body got tired. His spark just flew right on out of there. I was holding his hand when it happened and I saw it.”
C: “So if his body doesn’t work anymore, does that mean he can’t use his brain? Dad always said when he couldn’t use his brain anymore, it was time to move on.”
Me: “Well, that’s a good question. I don’t think it works in the same way we’re used to.”
C: “Can he remember things?”
Me: “I like to think so.”
C: “Is he conscious?”
Me: “I think it’s a different kind of state. Something we can’t really understand yet.”
C: “If he’s not conscious and his brain doesn’t work like it used to, I’m scared he doesn’t remember me. And if he doesn’t know who I am, then it makes me feel different.”
Me: “Different how?”
C: (Pause) “You know how you look in the mirror every day and you see your reflection, right? Like every day. There you are, just like you expect.”
Me: “Yes…”
C: “Well, now I kind of feel like I don’t really have that reflection anymore. Like when Dad stopped being able to remember me, my reflection kind of just disappeared.”
Me: “Oh my goodness.”
C: “What?”
Me: “Not only do you look just like your father, you’re starting to think like him, too.”
C: “Is that a good thing?”
Me: “It is. Just remember, your Dad is always with you. You carry him around in your heart and in your memories, and I feel he is with us.”
C: “I know all that, Mom. I know that when I miss him I can remember him; I just…wish he could remember me.”
Me: (Hugs for hours.)