Project Kindness (Day 4)

Russell and I say to each other every other week, “We should really go visit Aunt Willie.” We strongly agree with each other and then, somehow, we never go visit Aunt Willie. By renewing this promise to each other regularly, we feel we have bought more time with our good intentions. Aunt Willie is one of the last true ladies of her generation. At 92 years old, we still drives around town to get her hair done, do some grocery shopping, and frequent the S&S Cafeteria on special occasions. Her clothes are pressed, she wears pantyhose, and her apartment is somehow completely dust repellent. Her mind is sharp, her eyes are bright, and she just doesn’t skip a beat. She is the only remaining sibling of Russell’s grandfather, who was known by his pals as Red Fox. He was a mail carrier until his retirement and always radiated a healthy glow from his time in the sun. He was also known to be quite sly. Ergo. I have heard many a legendary story about Gerald and I wish I had the chance to know him longer. Aunt Willie lives ten minutes away from us and she has been widowed for close to 20 years. I always felt like we should stay connected with her as she is the last link from the old family to the newest. Due in large part to my little project, today was the day I finally called her. She was thrilled to hear from us. Genuinely thrilled. I could hear it in her voice. We made a date for this evening. I baked some fresh bread and prepared some homemade split pea soup and a dozen chocolate chip cookies as I heard she had a bit of a sweet tooth (though she will not easily confess to that). Poppy, who is always excited to have places to go and people to see, drew Aunt Willie several pictures of our family and wrapped up a Santa Claus pencil in a plastic shopping bag for her. Charlie, who has been quite obsessed with the idea of living in an apartment since he was three, was totally thrilled by the prospect of actually going to visit one. Mary Hazel was happy to do whatever as long as she had her sock puppets. We had such a nice visit with Aunt Willie and she was very appreciative of the company. She seemed even happier after I moved all her collectible porcelain figurines out of reach from curious hands. Poppy and Charlie took to her right away. Poppy was impressed to discover the collection of teddy bears in the spare bedroom and wanted to know when, where, and how Aunt Willie came to acquire each one of them. We didn’t stay long. Just long enough to let her know we cared about her and wanted to be part of her life. I asked her for a shopping list of groceries to keep stocked in her fridge. I plan to drop them off on a regular basis. (I must say I was impressed – organic milk, free-range chicken eggs, fresh fruit, and yogurt. No wonder she’s a healthy 92.) When we left, all the kids rushed to hug her tight without any prompting from their manners-minded parents. It was genuine and sweet. All in all, all a very satisfying way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

One of my biggest concerns is being alone, which seems almost ludicrous to ponder during these days when I cannot even hope to visit the bathroom unaccompanied by a helper. But in the quiet time before I fall asleep, I do feel a very real anxiety about being old and alone. I hope that my children will be nearby and still want to visit their ol’ mom every now and then. I hope I feel satisfied with the way I’ve lived my life. I hope I have few regrets. I have a healthy respect for our elders who have weathered many storms to achieve a level of wisdom I hope to achieve one day myself. Sometimes when I see an older couple slowly walking hand in hand down the sidewalk, it kind of breaks my heart. It taps into a very vulnerable part of my soul. It is poignant and beautiful and sad all at the same time. I feel it is right and good to treat the eldest members of our society with dignity, respect, and, of course, kindness.

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One thought on “Project Kindness (Day 4)

  1. Your blog on the subject is causing me to reflect on kindness and a way to define it. I tried the thesaurus and at first, found some good thoughts but not a “unified field theory” on the concept. Kindness seems to be a multi-textured concept and no one word can substitute and traditional thinking on the subject seems to fail defining kindness.

    I have had my own notions on this subject but now am having to dig a little deeper. So, I am moved to unravel some of the threads and examine them and ask a few questions about the fabric of kindness:

    Is the state of the recipient somehow part of the definition?

    Is the state of the giver somehow part of the definition?

    Are we kind based on our context of what the act should be or should we seek the recipient’s frame of reference and “be kind” based on their context?

    Who is made to feel better by the kindness?

    Is karma involved?

    Do I somehow expect a payback , albeit in another currency, for being kind.

    Does the recipient even need to know that I even exist?

    Is kindness spontaneous or does thought have to be involved?

    Is kindness just the “Golden Rule.”

    Is kindness “giving away what I seek?”

    Does kindness require an act?

    Does the act have to directly involve another being?

    Is the kindness transaction complete unless the recipient is aware that someone has been kind to them.?

    Do all involved necessarily have to feel “good” as a result of the act?

    Can I be kind without doing anything.

    Can I be kind without having the other person’s perspective?

    Do I have to recognize an unmet need in order to be kind?

    Is the random factor from the giver or is at a way the receiver perceives the act.

    Hmmmmmmm….

    I think I kinda’ have to ponder on this some more.

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