Waiting

Waiting. We are sitting in the waiting room, waiting. The butterflies are definitely still swirling around, but I’m actually feeling calmer at this point than I thought I would. Maybe it’s because I’ve received so many wonderful notes and calls from all the supportive members of Mary Hazel’s team. Maybe it’s because several of you are doing your best to distract me by playing faux Scrabble online. Maybe it’s because I know my baby is in the best possible care right this minute and wringing my hands is not going to affect the outcome. The hardest part of the day, so far, was walking down the very long sterile hallway to the OR knowing in a matter of seconds I would have to hand over my sweet warm baby to strangers. Everyone tells me that it’s for the best that MH is so young that she won’t remember all this, but her lack of understanding also makes it hard when I can’t console or comfort her now. I hope she doesn’t think that Mommy is doing this TO her. I hope she still reaches to me for comfort three days from now. Silly worries, I know, but these are the thoughts running through my head while I wait.

The nurse just called to report surgery is now getting underway. They had to place two IVs since there is a high probability that MH will need a blood transfusion as well as a regular IV for meds. The surgeon informed us that if the tumor weighs less than 550 grams, we may not require chemotherapy. He said MH’s tumor seems to be borderline, so we’ll cross our fingers. When pathology gives the the weight report, they will make the decision about placing the port.

The kidney is now out. They are also removing some nodes and other tissue for testing. We should hear news of the staging in a few days.

More loving family has just arrived with open arms. I will continue waiting with them and report back soon.

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10 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. Although we are not there in person, our thoughts, prayers, and best wishes are all around you and Mary Hazel. Sometimes, the things you can’t see are those that are the strongest and the most comforting. Go Mary Hazel!!! (and family).

  2. Erin, I prayed all the way to work for you this morning. And, I prayed that you, MH, and your entire family would feel the peace and calm that you state that you are feeling. I continue to pray now that MH will have a speedy and complete recovery! You are in my constant thoughts, look forward to your next report.

  3. Although I do not know you or Mary Hazel personally…( I read this on a friend’s facebook post), I have read through your blog and want you to know that you have prayers coming from over here in Taylors. I have a special angel up in heaven (my mom) who I send up all the really big prayers to. She and I will be having a conversation in moments. Stay strong and positive. Many many prayers to you and your precious baby. She is beautiful.

  4. Erin, so happy for the update. I am sure MH will be so happy to see you, and will not be mad at you. You will be her saviour! Continuing to pray that the tumor is small and she won’t need any chemo or radiation. Hang in there!

  5. So happy to hear the update! Erin – when my child was 2 she had septicemia and was “tortured” by tests and procedures during diagnosis and she never held it against me. I did not hear the word cancer but I did hear the words life threatening and I know the feeling I had and the blank space you referenced in an earlier blog. Rest in the knowledge that you are doing all you can for your child and that God is watching over her. Prayers are being raised for her – and all of the family. Thank you for posting so we will know how to pray.

  6. Erin, Jamie Hall told me about your sweet baby girl. I live in Anderson and have a grandson who was diagnosed with neuroblastoma ( tumor of the adrenal gland off of the right kidney) at 3 1/2. I am sitting here reading your blog and echoes of all to familiar memories are bouncing around in my head. I know exactly the feelings you are expressing. Even as I type this I am in Aiken staying with Miller’s sibling while he is at the Medical College of GA going through a series of scans to determine if he is still in remission. YEAH, remission for 15 months so far after 14 months of treatment. If there is anything I can be of assistance with please email me at kldimond@earthlink.net . We have been fighting this since July 2009 so we may have some experience behind us that may be helpful whether it is how to deal with so many hospitalizations or how to get a young child to swallow a super large pill that does not come in liquid form and can not be broken up. You will be surprised at how a little thing like that can become a big issue. I won’t go on and on here but I if you need to talk to someone in the same situation please email me at any time and I will give you my phone number. My biggest piece of advice is to always remember you are MH’s biggest advocate. Never worry about if you are going to hurt anyone’s feelings whether it be a medical professional, family or friends. Once my daughter in law figured that out a lot of things went easier especially in the hospital environment..

  7. Hi Erin! Just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking about you guys & praying for MH! I know how hard it is to hand over your baby to surgeons- I have done it twice now for Ben (when he was only 3 weeks old!) and Will last year. It’s the worst thing in the world to have to sit out there and wait on pins and needles. She will want no one but you when she comes out, rest assured! Sorry I won’t get to see you again before we move this weekend, but I wish you guys the best & have faith things will get better!

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